It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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