the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
