I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
