worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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