im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
