I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
