so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
