She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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