I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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