I wish my penis had an off switch
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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