Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
