just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We're too hungover to prance.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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