The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
