I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
