Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
