Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
