I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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