Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
