I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
