We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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