i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
