why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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