you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
