That's intense
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
