dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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