my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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