i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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