What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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