Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
