woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
