he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
