I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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