Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
