I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize