My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
