he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
