return my video game
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
