also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize