I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
