john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
