There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
