The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
