shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize