Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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