I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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