I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
