people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
