when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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