I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
