I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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