I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
