so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
