If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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