I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think i have two assholes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize