3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
