Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize