matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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