I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
