dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
