Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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