i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
