i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
