Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
