Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
