hell yes lets make some ravioli
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
