At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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