I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i now understand why vodka
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize