i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
