I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
