she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
