Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
