dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
