My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
