I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
