And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
