Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
where are my eyebrows?
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