I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
