Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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