It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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