I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
