feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
