Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
