you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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