She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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