I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
