By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
