Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
