Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
