dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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