It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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