When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
