She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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