Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
