By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
