I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
