We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm like, not good at living.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
