Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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