so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
