quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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