Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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