just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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