Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
