We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
