Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
