ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize