I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
